Let’s be honest – 2020 was one of the shittest year of our time. I thought I had bad years before… 2015 was awful. 2017 was my worst year until 2020 came along. But overall I was lucky. I did not lose my job. I did not catch Covid (as far as I know). All my family was fine. I got to see my family even twice this year. I did not have to put myself into danger by commuting to work but could work from home since March now.
BUT – if you read some of my post through the year, I really struggled. I was alone for 5 months – completely alone, without any social contacts, no physical connections, feeling constantly anxious. If it was not for my family who supported me as best as possible from a far and my friend Rob, I don’t know how I could have coped. But it left its marks. I put on all the weight again that I had lost in 2018. I got even more anxious of meeting other people. And I hate the thought of getting back into dating even more now 🤣.
I moved to Scotland to build myself a life here, travel to all the places any time I wanted without needing to take a week or two off and pay a fortune for flights, renting a car and accommodation. I was finally in my own place at the start of the year – with so much freedom ahead and then Boom! Locked up and not allowed to go anywhere.
I had times, I felt so lonely it was almost painful. I understand it was not easy for couples either to be locked up together without being able to spend at least some time apart. And on top maybe even having the kids at home constantly. I assume no matter how much you love your children having them 24/7 on your case is probably not easy at all. However, I felt many did not understand how hard it was for those who just had no one during the times where we had to completely stay at home. No one you could just turn to for a hug. No physical support. No one who was just there if you needed them in case you got ill or needed something you could not do yourself.
No matter how good things have turned out for me this year – I had my struggles and I am allowed to feel a certain way about them. If you have seen some of my Instagram posts – I was really fed up with all the phrases of “Stay positive” “Think positive” “Be grateful for what you have”. NO! I can be upset, I can be negative and I can be scared of what is yet to come. Before you have not walked in someone else’s shoes, you have no right to tell people how they should feel. Only because a situation is not as bad for you – does not mean it may potentially be the end of the world for someone else. Accept that and try to support people rather than telling them to just keep a positive mindset. Don’t tell someone to stop being negative. Try to understand their situation. Listen to them and offer your support.
I am glad 2020 ends tonight. I like new beginnings. Normally I would have had plans but not this time. I just see what will come. I will wait and see and then do what I can depending on the situation. I do want to travel again. I want to hike more and I want to get fit and lighter again – just because it is healthy and makes it easier to climb mountains. And I know I will feel better about myself and more confident. But I will not make concrete plans. I feel it will be a year to just live in the moment. The only thing that I really need to make happen is coming to Germany in April to meet my little nephew who is due April, 1st. ❤
To end this rather short post for me – I did have some highlights this year:
- Some great walks I did around Dunfermline, exploring the area and working on my photography.
- That one-day roadtrip I did the day after lockdown ended in July up to Laggan and along Loch Laggan to Spean Bridge and then down through Fort William, Glencoe, Tyndrum and back via Stirling. Even though it was raining buckets that day, I had an amazing time finally being out again!
- Meeting Rob in Lindisfarne and later for a walk at the Hadrian’s wall.
- My one-day roadtrip up the East Coast up to Dunnattor Castle and back via Braemar and through Glen Shee.
- I went on my Jacobite Train journey that was on my bucket list for ages and hiked to the Lost Valley in Glencoe.
- Hiked up Ben A’an.
- Went on a great trip to Ardnamurchan for a few days.
- Seen amazing sunsets in Limekilns.
- Hiked up Conic Hill for sunrise.
- Ended the year with an absolute amazing trip up to Assynt and Torridon.
And I met some amazing people on Instagram and then in person: Thank you to Rob, Allana, Lana, Aaron, Lee, Samy, Claire and Sally. Thank you to my long-time friends Verena, Jenna, Nadine and Nati. And my parents and sister Pia ❤.
Happy New Year! I wish you all that 2021 will be better again with lots of adventures, meeting friends and family or new people and above all – Stay healthy!