10th week of lockdown in Scotland. Somehow those past 10 weeks have flown by. I feel very strange about the fact that I have not left town except 2 times in the past week where I drove 3 miles down to Limekilns which technically is still Dunfermline.
It’s been a real rollercoaster of emotions. The first weeks I mostly felt anxious, panicking and completely stressed out. Constantly checking the news, looking at the number of new cases in all big European countries, hardly leaving the house and if only for short walks or grocery shopping. I went grocery shopping much more often for some weird reason as I kept checking which items were still able to get in the supermarket. It kind of calmed down to see that there were still things available without the need to horde. In the first week of April I dared to go for my first walk in the park and felt somehow guilty as it was a public place. I then got braver each week and started to do longer walks again some days – like a little out of town through the fields.
When in mid April the cherry blossoms in Pittencrieff Park started to come out I at least felt I had a reason to go out but it became harder and harder to find the motivation. I hated to go outside seeing people breaking the lockdown rules while I did not even leave town for a little drive around. Driving is something I am missing big times. Pack my bag, drive up through the amazing landscapes of Scotland, feeling free. This feeling of freedom – that is what I miss so much. It is so strange not being able to do whatever, to go and be where ever you want.
The longer this was going on the more I lost motivation to go out at all. I got bored of the walking rounds I did, bored of everything I saw. Although I would have probably never got to know Dunfermline as I did for the past weeks. Mid May my mood was spiralling downwards big times. On the Saturday of that week I could not stop crying for hours in the morning until I made the decision to get into the car and drive down to Limekilns. Thanks to some very dear friends. And oh man, what a relief and comfort it was to go for a walk along the water. Smelling the salty fishy air, hearing the little waves, just watching over the water of Firth of Forth. I instantly felt calmer. And the drive through the green fields to each side of the road, blooming flowers everywhere, especially rapeseed fields, green trees – it instantly made me so happy.
Then speaking to a friend who also lives in Dunfermline gave me the motivation to walk down in the direction of Limekilns and to the rapeseed fields. It was great to enjoy being outdoors again, exploring new paths and taking pictures again. It was quite an adventurous walk too as I almost got killed by a bee swarm and trapped on a farm when trying to do a short cut. I did not realise it was beehives next to the rapeseed fields until I actually walked past them…. And then I ran…
I walked down the same way 2 times again since then exploring more paths I will walk soon. But thankfully from next Thursday there will also be some easing of the lockdown rules in Scotland and we are allowed to move within a 5 mile radius around home. Well, I’m pretty sure a majority of people moved further than 5 miles for exercise already for the past week but I am glad for the “allowance” to do so now. And I am going to drive as well for some walking then, too. If others can cycle for miles and miles then I don’t understand why I cannot drive to like North Queensferry or Culross for a walk, which is still local for me.
I can have very good days now and then suddenly feel sad about not having a normal life anymore where traveling around was normal, flying to Germany to see my family and friends was normal, sitting in a café or pub and have something to eat or drink was normal, sitting somewhere enjoying the views. So strange how this will all be things that have to become normal again. I will never take these things for granted again and appreciate them so much more, once we are able to do all of this as normal again.