When people ask me why I moved to Scotland – if it was for love, if I had friends or family here or if it was purely because of my job – I always get kind of irritated reactions when I say no to any of these reasons. Well, maybe it was love – but not for another person but because I fell in love with Scotland as a country. The next reaction is mostly lack of understanding why I love Scotland so much that I moved here. I get told things like “but it rains so much”, “it’s cold”, “wait until you lived here for longer” etc etc. Or things like – “So you don’t know anyone here? You came all alone?”
And I kind of don’t understand the issue behind it. Many people emigrate to countries like Thailand, USA, New Zealand, Australia – and they do it alone. It is not that uncommon. I sometimes think it may be because I am a woman and in an age where most are getting married or recently got married, have kids and build or buy a house. Well, seems like this was not meant for me and why should I sit at home and feel sorry for myself about it?
I have and had the freedom to do what I wanted and that was moving to the country that feels more home to me than any other place. It is very difficult for me to find the words to describe why that is – but I try.
Every time I am about to land in Edinburgh or Glasgow – depending on the flight I get, I get a lump in my throat. When I am lucky and there are no clouds 😉 seeing the hills and Lochs, the Firth of Forth or Ben Lomond – I feel peace and happiness for coming home.
I love the little villages all over the country with the cute cottages, their flower pots at the windows, the pubs with the lovely signs and decorations around. I love the hills, the little rivers and waterfalls everywhere. I love sitting at a Loch and just look over the water enjoying the peace and quiet around me.
I love the magic and mystical atmosphere at so many places around Scotland. It is like escaping the real world with all its problems.
I love sitting at the sea, listening to the waves and birds, collecting shells and smell the salty and sometimes fishy air.
I love Edinburgh with its hidden streets and gardens, the Victorian houses, and that it is almost like going back in time as everything still looks like 100 years ago despite cars, buses and trams.
Of course I have days where I feel lonely. It is not easy to come to a country not knowing anyone, having no family around, no one you can just call when you need help. There are still uncertainties looming with Brexit only 2 months away. I could not just go and buy a house. I could not even finance my car per month and not even get a credit card because I don’t have a credit history in the UK. I am glad I got the pre-settled status now that allows me to stay in the UK for 5 years from now on. But what happens then? No one can tell what will change when the UK leaves the EU. I try not to think too much about it and just wait and see. I am not making too many plans for the near future before I don’t know what exactly the situation will be for a foreigner in the UK.
Of course I wish to find a partner, someone, that is there for me no matter what. Being single for so long now, I sometimes feel people who are in a (happy) relationship do not know how fortunate they are to have someone in their life who is always there for them, loves them no matter what and to have someone you can talk to any time. I know this is not the case with every couple… which is sad enough. I rather be single than in a relationship just for the sake of it. Maybe I am too romantic in that aspect and that this is one of the reasons I have not found love yet. Even though I wouldn’t say I have unrealistic expectations or too high standards of what I am looking for in a man. I know a lot lies within me and my insecurities as well. Which do not necessarily get any smaller, the more disappointments and rejections you experience. It only gets hard to get yourself out there, going on dates and just “try” to find someone. People always tell you love will find you and it will happen at the right time. Sorry, but that is just bullshit. If I sit at home alone I won’t find anyone. You have to create opportunities for yourself, you have to overcome fears, you have to risk to tell someone you like him/her even though he/she might say no to you in return.
However, at the moment I am actually very fed up with dating. It can be very tiring. You start hoping, creating images in your head of what could be, to only find out he is not the one.
What annoys me though is that it seems like as if as soon as you are talking to someone nowadays and be nice and maybe even flirty, they seem to kind of think you want to marry them straight away. What is wrong to just meet, hang out, be friends and see what happens? Somehow it always needs to lead to something if you meet with someone. Why? Yes, maybe you do have hopes somewhere deep inside but it is also nice to just meet someone and maybe gain a friend.
I am currently in Germany at my parent’s and I am longing to return to Scotland in 2 days. Not because I do not like spending time with my parents or seeing friends. I love my parents. They are the most important people in my life. But as described at the beginning, this is not home for me anymore. It is just where I grew up and where people live that I love. But it is not home.
Scotland is my home.